Solved by verified expert:I had an assignment which I completed but missed the mark. I have the opportunity to resubmit. I will include both the instructions from the professor and her feedback from the essay I wrote which will be attached:In a essay of no more than 500 words, please write your statement of personal and professional belief in response to “What motivates you, what’s your passion, what do you believe?” Share what you value and what’s important to you in regards to your profession, your industry, your career, or your education. You will not do research or cite other sources in this project. This is challenging! It requires a level of introspection so deep that no one else can do it for you. Use the following suggestions, adapted from http://www.thisibelieve.org, as a guide:Name your belief: If you can’t name it in a sentence or two, your essay might not be about belief. You are writing an essay, not a list. Focus on one core belief, which you will explain, define, and develop through the essay.Tell a story: Be specific. Take your belief out of the ether and ground it in specific events of your life. Consider moments when your belief was formed or tested or changed. Think of your own experience, work, and life, and tell of the things you know that no one else does. Make sure your story ties to the essence of your professional or educational philosophy and the shaping of your beliefs. Tell me how you reached your beliefs, and if they have grown, what made them grow. Your story need not be heart-warming or gut-wrenching—it can even be funny—but it should be real.Be positive: Please avoid preaching or editorializing or finger-pointing. I do not want your views on the American way of life, democracy, or capitalism. (These are important but for another occasion.) I want to know what you live by, what you DO believe, not what you don’t believe.Be personal: Avoid speaking in the editorial “we” or the projecting “you” or the accusing “they.” The project is “this I believe,” not “this everyone believes,” “this my company believes,” or “this Americans/Russians/Scientologists believe.” Make your essay about you; speak in the first person. I recommend you read your essay aloud to yourself several times, and each time edit it and simplify it until you find the words, tone, and story that truly echo your belief.Professors FeedbackYou start your essay by stating your belief but that is not what you support. You don’t talk about your belief until the last few sentences. It would be okay but much of the essay is spent focused on others.(mother and family) Remember that this essay is supposed to be about you. It is okay that you talk about others to support your belief but don’t make them the focus. Reading your current essay you would thing that hard work is you belief.You should revise your essay and begin to support your belief early in the essay.———————————————–Comm 1.1: Organize document or presentation clearly in a manner that promotes understanding.: Belief is stated but not supported.Comm 1.2: Develop coherent paragraphs or points so that each is internally unified and so that each functions as part of the whole document or presentation.: Paragraph are coherent but not to the focus of the essay.This is essay is to be about the writer. Comm 1.6: Follow conventions of Standard Written English.: A few grammatical errors, nothing proofreading can not fix.When writing numbers below ten, they should be written out, unless the number has some significant meaning.
apa_i_believe__1___1_.docx
Unformatted Attachment Preview
Running Head: I BELIEVE
1
Juana M. Rodriguez
Project 1: I Believe
UCSP 615 9012 Orientation to Graduate Studies
Professor Patricia Kidd
January 18th, 2018
I BELIEVE
2
I believe…in a work-life balance. Growing up in New York survival and hard work was
the way of life. Everything was difficult. Simply walking to any form of transportation like a
bus, or train was exasperating. I can remember as a child my mother having to wake up at 3:00
am just to have enough time to get us prepared for the sitter, get dressed for work and walk
almost 3 miles to catch the A 6:15 am train to make it to work by 8:00 am. It was as if she had
worked a full-time job before she ever reached work. With all that said, my mother was never
late for work and always gave 120 percent, sometimes working 10 to 12 hours a day. She had an
insurmountable work ethic, which carried over to all four of her children.
Hard work, determination and the ability to adapt to change quickly have been woven
into the fabric of my family’s belief system. A generation of “survival of the fittest” coined by
Herbert Spencer over 200 years ago, is how I illustrate my family beginnings. I left home at an
early age and emersed myself into that lifestyle. I believed if I worked hard I would eventually
be happy; my accomplishments would measure my success. To me, hard work equaled
happiness and success was a surefire result of that hard work, or so I thought.
For the past 15 years, I built my career working six to seven days a week sacrificing
family, friends, and relationships because of my previous belief system. Some would say I was a
bit of a “workaholic.” As a result, I got extremely sick while on the road for work, which
resulted in the loss of my son Kaleb. As I was grieving, I realized I had no one there to comfort
me, as I had not fostered many friendships. I had no outside outlets such as singing, painting or
dancing because quite frankly I never made the time to cultivate such activities. After numerous
awards, accolades, promotions and giving over a decade of my life to my previous employer,
when I needed additional time to heal I was given an ultimatum by my company that made me
reconsider my belief system and ultimately change my life entirely. It was in those moments I
I BELIEVE
chose life over survival and committed to having a healthy work-life balance. I walked away
from a six-figure salary, prestigious position, and virtually everything that I had identified as
successful to start anew.
To survive is to disallow death by any means necessary. The focus is on opposing lifethreatening situations such as thirst, hunger, and homelessness. To live is contradictory of
survival. The focus is on growing, achieving, and continual change preceding death.
A bit more grown up, I now understand and believe that success is much more than hard
work and survival. The ability to balance work and life together and is equally significant to
achieving success and happiness.
3
…
Purchase answer to see full
attachment
